After Almost A Year

So I totally forgot I had this blog. I guess it is time to update it.

This year has been such a roller coaster. Definitely one that has really taught me to trust God and let Him take the lead. I can't tell you how much has changed this year. The year as far as I can remember started out really well. Then one thing after another it started to fall apart. I guess the falling apart wasn't so bad cause it helped me realize how much I needed to hold God's hand and let Him do His thing.

The downward spiral started I guess Memorial Weekend when my mom went to the hospital. Not the way anyone wanted to spend a holiday weekend, especially one that was shortly followed by my birthday. She went into the hospital with an unbearable pain in her leg, which was then told it was a blood clot. Not something really ever want to hear. After discovering it was a blood clot, tests were being done. This lead to the diagnosis of her having pancreatic cancer. I can't explain the feeling of finding this information out, especially about your mom. But you know I think what made it not seem as bad is that all of us had the Faith that God knew what He was doing. Not only the Faith but also the love and compassion from everyone around us. We definitely have felt God's love through so many people. From the Pastor of our church constantly trying to keep updated on what was going on, to the prayer chain at church and even the continuing meals we get. God truly has blessed my family with some incredible people. I think that is something that makes what we are all going through (especially my mom) some kind of miracle. Don't get me wrong, it has been no walk in the park, I mean I have hated seeing my mom get sick. From losing so much weight that she is now wearing my hand-me-downs to not having any energy and pretty much losing the personality I grew up with and loved to now her losing her hair. But by the grace of God and the prayers of so many people I can say that I am very excited to see the progress my mom is doing. I mean her appetite is back and she is not as tired. I am starting see my mom back. She has a lot more energy and is getting back to her old self. Not only those emotional improvements but after the last CT Scan, the results showed the cancer marks being down and the tumors either decreased in size or have disappeared totally. All I can say to that is PRAISE THE LORD!!!! I am excited to continue to see this progress!!! God is so good!!!!

Ok so I started off saying that my diagnosis was the start of the downward spiral. The next part was the loss of jobs. First it was mom, then Betsy suddenly lost her job, then Andrew. I was next, now I didn't lose my job as a whole but my hours were cut. I am now working MWF at the Insurance Agency. Which causes me to once again work 2 jobs. This is still a current struggle but hey I've got that faith that God's got this all under control. So since mom lost her job, there was not enough income coming in, which leads to my dad getting a second job. Not something a 50-something yr old man should be doing, especially since his second job is pushing carts at Sams Club. It took Betsy a while to find a job but you know God had his plan and she was able to live off of unemployment for a while. Mom is now getting disability with is incredible and helps out a lot. Andrew is still looking for a job, but hey the economy sucks and there are not very many jobs out there. I am lucky that my MWF job pays my bills, I am just lacking the saving money and spending money, but hey I've got it under control (for the most part).

I guess those are the major downward spirals, there were some major emotional downward spirals but they aren't too necessary to get into. Now I'm not going to say that this year was terrible. I mean it had some really good points. Lets see...my mom and I are closer. I am closer in my walk with the Lord. I got really involved with the church (youth group, worship). I have really figured out who my true friends are and met some new friends :) .We are still a laughing family, I think at times more that we used to, I think that is a result of what our family has been through this year, not only our immediate family but extended family too. Oh and we are at the end of this year going to have an addition to our fun family. My brother is engaged!! We like Jess a lot, she definitely fits in.

I am excited to see what this year is going to be like. I can't wait to see where God has me and my family going! I think it is going to be an incredible journey!!! Maybe it won't take me a year to update this again, but we'll see.

Handing all control to Him

God has really been working on my Heart lately. He really has just been so amazing. Ever since our first Worship night God has just been there and using me for so many things. The day after our Worship night my pastor was telling the whole congregation about my worship and how I was truly worshipping. Not just singing but worshipping. Leading people into feeling God around me. It was so incredible and really opened my eyes to really thinking that this is something that what I'm suppose to be doing.

Ever since the Worship night God has really brought some cool opportunities to me. I have so many people come up to me or call me or whatever asking for my help. What is so cool to me is that when they ask me a question or tell me something I don't even know what to tell them. But somehow right after I think that God is like.."let me handle this" and spits words into my mouth. He is so good like that and it is so cool!

I have been struggling with the reading the Bible part of my relationship. I started to read through Genesis and just stopped. That is one thing that I really truly need to work on. It is the motivation to get back into it. I want to do it but actually doing it is a problem. I know that once I truly get in the swing of it I will def be at it everyday but it is getting into the swing of it that hasn't made progress.

One other thing that I have noticed lately is that complaining really isn't necessary. I have had some times where I have been complaining or venting about my job or a friend or whatever and I just feel like it is the end. Well next day come and God just makes me a fool. He is like..."Melissa really I've got this under control...let me handle it...I know what I am doing". Everything is better. He is like be patient and everything will work out.

But God truly blessed me this past Tuesday. I finally had the chance to go back to Intermission. Except this time it was different. We were reading through Acts (go figure...like every other Bible Study) and instead of just reading it we dissected it. Like truly got real with each other and just looked deep into the Word. That is something that I have truly missed doing. Truly getting deep into The Word. I'm sad that I can only go every other week but it is something!

So that is the update on my life!

I've been slacking...

So I haven't been blogging like I should. I mean a lot has happened since the last time I have blogged...I mean it was about a month ago.

Its been one heck of a month...I have been super busy let me tell you. I have been doing the 2 job thing and it is wearing me out. I mean it is basically on weekends but when you work 40 hours a week already adding that 10 hours or so really gets to you. Not only have I been working two jobs but I have just been overwhelmed with not having a night off. I mean I have chorus on tuesday nights...wednesday nights are either worship team or girls group...thursday has been women's ensemble practice straight to Bible study and then I have my weekend filled with either work or some other activity.

I should really complain...God has truly blessed me with some amazing opportunities lately. I mean I have had some pretty amazing weekends lately. My boss likes to say that I am "on tour" because when I am not here working on the weekends I am pretty much traveling somewhere. The past few weekends have been pretty cool. Lets see... 3 weekends ago I went to Salisbury for a weekend visit! Man I miss that place. 2 saturdays ago I went to see my friend Nate and his band play...which was a great experience. And this past Saturday I went to see Bethany Dillon, Phil Wickham, and Shane & Shane in concert.

I have to say....that concert was pretty much amazing. Not only did I see some ppl I haven't seen in a while but I got to worship with them again. It was a great experience. No words can really explain how amazing those guys are!

I don't have too much more to update...maybe I will update tomorrow with some more information...but for now that is all!

Weird Experience EVER!

Ok so last night I had to work at both my real job and BBW so I just stayed around the area and got something to eat at...you guessed it...Chipotle! So I get my food and sit down at the end of this bar type seating facing a window. Well this guy comes and sits nexts to me. I was kinda freaked out cause well this never happens.

So he sits next to me and asks me why I am alone. I explain that I am coming from one job and going to another. Asks me if I am in school and I answered with no. I told him just working. He asked why are you working? (ok what kind of question is this?) I said to pay bills! Then he decided to ask me if I lived with my boyfriend. Well considering I don't have one I gave him the obvious answer. Then he asked me if I have sex (I started to get a little weird at this point). I said no...he then asked if I was a lesbian. I was like uh no def not. He was like then why no sex. I said I didn't think that it was necessary. He says to me so you're a christian. I obviously say yes. He responds with I'm a christian too.

Ok so this got me a little bit confused...and he could tell!

We go into what churches we go to and whatnot. Then he asks me why I look so confused. I respond with because you ask me all these questions and then say you are a christian...it doesn't fit. He goes into how the devil temps him and overcomes...I question back with how come you don't ask for help over these temptations? He gives some sort of bull crap answer.

Then we look out the window and he asks...what do you think of that guy. There was no guy. I asked...are you seriously talking about your reflection? Of course he was. I told him it didn't matter to me and I wasn't going to say anything. He said...so physical attributes don't matter to you. I said no not really. He said so if God has you marrying a fat guy with zits and bad breath you would marry him. I said yes we all know this is probably a lie. But i was like the guys I have liked recently I have seen how much they love God and who they truly are BEFORE I have found them attractive physically. I told him I was never going to see him again so it didn't matter. He said you don't know that I could be you're husband. I was like I highly doubt that. He said you don't know that God could have me be your husband. (I mean seriously did he really just go there??)

I told him I really seriously doubt that you are my husband. He said that I am not letting God lead my life. That I need to give Him all control. I told him you don't even know me. You don't know my life you don't know who I am or where I've been. He then told me that he has met me before. That I didn't recognize him cause he had longer hair then. I seriously don't remember meeting him before ever. Then we got distracted cause my phone rang (I ignored it). I asked him where I met him he said it didn't matter.

He then told me that I was judging him. And said if you didn't want to talk to me you would have left by now. Why are you still here talking to me? Then got up threw his trash away and left. Not saying a word.

Ok I am extremely confused. I mean he did have some good points but I mean it was kind of freaky. I mean if you say that you are a Christian then the way that he approached me and the questions he asked me didn't give me that impression. I don't know. It was def an eye opening experience and I think that was his point but at the same time I am just super confused. He didn't give me his name or anything. Like I want to see him again and really get into another conversation. I was flustered and confused and didn't understand. I don't do well under pressure.

Comfort Zone.

When I was doing my daily blog stalking today one of my favorite blogs had a blog that really hit home......checkitout...

But I love how Jon was talking about comfort zones...I mean I feel exactly the same way with the way my life is going now. How I would rather be in Salisbury with my friends and happy that I am with them but God decided that He had a different plan. I mean now I have to put myself out there in many different situations. I mean I am truly happy now and I believe that is because I am needing God more than when I was in Salisbury. I mean things were hard in Salisbury but I had friends to be there for me. Now really the only one I can go to is God. He truly knows what He is doing.

INCREDIBLE!!!

I got to share Jesus with my friend James last night!!! It was so cool guys!...I mean he goes to church and all but there is that part missing. The problem is he is in a church that is primarily geared to an older generation. So he has this persona of church being about a guy standing in front of a group of people and talks about what we are doing wrong instead of helping us grow. Which is totally understandable...but...I explained to him about how we need fellowship...and he was determined to go against me. I mean he said he respected what I believed but he thinks that in order to get to know the Bible more and connect with God he needs to do it by himself. Which is correct to some extent but there is more to it and well I couldn't argue with out my Bible to give accurate examples so I kind of stopped. I did later bring up about the 21 day fast and how much I have grown spiritually since I mean just the beginning of the year...and how i could have never of done that without the church. I told him that he needs to find a church that isn't centered toward that older generation. I told him next time I go to Salisbury he is going to come with me and check out St. Pauls...he will love it...I mean the worship alone will bring him in. IT WAS INCREDIBLE!

This was the first time where I have actually been extremely open about my faith. I mean I didn't totally hide it...more like I just pushed it aside. I was not afraid to step up for what I believed. It was a great start to the week. I never knew how amazing it would feel to actually share what I truly believe and have gone through to someone who is on the fence you know? I can't stop thinking about. I am all smiles!!!

I am continually praying for his heart!

Pondering...

I come to realize when it comes to writing a blog I am really bad at it. For almost all the blogs I have written so far I have started them atleast 2 times. But anyways...

I have really been thinking about how I am living my life. I know I am living the life God has given me and I think I'm doing a pretty good job but at the same time there is something missing. I know exactly what it is....my prayer life. Yeah I pray but at the same time I just feel like it isn't something I do as much as I need to. I was going to lunch today and all I wanted to do was sit in my car and just pray. I mean shouldn't I feel that way all the time? I am really going to try hard and focus on that.

Things other than that have been going pretty well. I mean I did get a root canal yesterday and my teeth look funny cause the "temporary crown" is a different color than my actual teeth but oh well...I think I can live through it. Not only that but it cost me an arm and a leg...and the lady decided it was going to be a great idea not to tell me that I could pay half now and half later when I get my actual crown.

Nothing else really has been going on...chorus is ok. Small group is good. Church is good.

I think that is all....

I'm going to salisbury this weekend so that excites me :)